Every little girl is a princess- with all the good and bad connotations that entails. Some research shows that narcissism is on the rise in North America and the group that is showing the fastest gains in narcissistic behavior are women and girls. So while we’ve had a lot of focus on building strong women and helping girls have better self-esteem, we’re also dealing with the flip side of too much ego. Maybe we shouldn’t be too surprised. Culturally, we place a lot of emphasis on the special “princess”s status of girls. I once saw baby girl onesies at a store that said “It’s simple really, I’m a princess, Mommy’s a queen and Daddy’s around here somewhere…” Apparently we as a society are starting girls out on this attitude very young.
You can blame the media and there are certain elements of truth to that argument. Yes, little girls are bombarded by princess messages and images everywhere, but I really don’t think that’s the problem. Frankly, the last couple of Disney movies with princesses have been part of the solution. Tangled and Frozen both depicted princesses exhibiting traits like compassion, sacrifice and loyalty. With heroines like Rapunzel and Anna, it wasn’t their position as princesses that made them great, it was how they chose to treat others. And they don’t fall in love with handsome princes, they fall in love with men who have their share of faults but are caring and devoted. I don’t know if this politically correct any more, but I remember seeing Beauty and the Beast when I was 5 and being very impressed that Belle loved to read. I was learning to read at the time and seeing Belle made me think that being educated and free-thinking were good attributes to cultivate.
But here’s the thing, no matter what messages are out there (and there have always been bad messages for parents to deal with), we are the ones who really have the last say about what is and isn’t appropriate for behavior for our children. We are the gatekeepers and we can choose what to tell our children about the world. And it’s important for boys to see positive female role models too. I want my sons to marry young ladies who are good women, not just good-looking.
So if you are interested in introducing your kids to some positive princess role models here are a few suggestions:
A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett. (Frances Hodgson Burnett also wrote The Secret Garden.) Sarah believes she should always act like a princess, and to her this means being caring, compassionate, and loyal under all circumstances. When the book starts out, this is relatively easy for her. She is the daughter of a British soldier and was born in India. Her mother died when she was a baby. Sarah and her father are very close, but eventually Sarah is sent to England to go to school as was customary amongst the British aristocracy.
At first, Sarah is the favorite pupil of the school’s headmistress, Miss Minchin, especially because her father has investments tied up in his best friend’s diamond mine. But the friend finds out that the diamond mine is a bust. He sends word to Sarah’s father, who is already sick and the shock kills him. Suddenly Sarah is left a penniless orphan. She is put to work as scullery maid at the school where she was once a student. Through it all, Sarah stays true to her code of honor that she should always strive to act like a princess.
If you want to watch a movie version, the only one I have seen that I really recommend is the 1986 mini-series from the UK. It stays very close to the book and is the only version I’ve seen so far where Sarah’s father actually dies. The temptation with other versions I’ve seen is to bring the father back and rescue Sarah. This was never Frances Hodgson Burnett’s intention. The beauty of the original story is that it requires Sarah to put her life back together and move on after so much loss. This is a good one for kids about 8 and up.
Ever After– Set in Renaissance era France, this movie features a Cinderella character named Danielle who continues to educate herself even after being forced into servitude by her stepmother. She risks imprisonment to free one of the other servants who has been sold to pay off her stepmother’s debt and that is how she meets the prince. Despite the many dangers she faces, Danielle is determined to meet her challenges with her own resourcefulness and doesn’t wait to be rescued. She also doesn’t see being queen as a chance to be waited on and fawned over, but rather as a way to serve others. Another cool thing about this movie is that the writers did some research into 16th century Europe. You’ll catch references to Henry VIII, the Edict of Nantes and Leonardo da Vinci makes an appearance as a “fairy godmother”. This is a good movie for ages 12 and up. It’s rated PG-13.
Enchanted- When Michael Eisner was in charge at Disney, a Rapunzel movie was in development. It went through a number of iterations, including a version that Eisner came up with where the fairy tale would be set in modern day San Francisco. Nothing seemed to work and the idea was killed. After Eisner was booted off the board of Disney, Pixar’s John Lasseter was brought on as the head creative for all of Disney. He, Ed Catmull and some other folks found the Rapunzel movie idea and decided to revive it. Of course, the aforementioned Tangled was one of the resulting movies. The other was Enchanted, the movie that proved to be Amy Adams’ big break.
Enchanted is the story of a fairy tale princess named Giselle who through a curse ends up being transported into New York City where she befriends a divorce attorney and his daughter. Giselle cleans the apartment with the help of rats and pigeons, breaks into song at random, makes beautiful dresses out of the drapes and says her best friend is a (now mute) talking chipmunk. But she also believes in true love- which means fidelity and devotion and she is completely sincere in her desire to see others be happy. These are the really refreshing things about her character and this movie. This one is a great family movie. We’ve watched it with our four year old and when my nieces were preschoolers it was one of their favorites. It’s rated PG.
Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine. Read the book. The movie was a big departure from the original story of a girl who is under a curse to do whatever she is told and overcomes it as she matures and exercises her own free will. This book is many ways a parable about growing up and learning to make your own decisions and be accountable. This is a relatively short novel and is probably good for ages 10 and up.
Catherine, Called Birdy by Karen Cushman. When we think about life in the Middle Ages, we imagine people going around bemoaning their misfortune at having been born in a time that would later be termed “The Dark Ages”, kind of like in Monty Python and the Holy Grail .(“Bring out your dead!”) This book tries to see life in Medieval England from the point of view of the people who lived it, not based on our own modern judgments of these peoples’ lives. Catherine is not actually a princess, but the daughter of a nobleman trying to deal with the possibility of marriage to a man she detests. This is another great read for ages 10 and up.
The Paper Bag Princess by Robert Munsch. Princess Elizabeth is going to marry Prince Ronald when dragon comes and carries the prince away. Elizabeth is courageous and resourceful in rescuing him, but finds at the end, that some princes aren’t worth holding on to. This is a good one for kids as it is a picture book, but I actually remember hearing it in a lesson at church as a teenager and it still made an impression on me.
Cinder Edna by Ellen Jackson. What if instead of waiting for a fairy godmother, a girl who cleans the fireplaces simply made it to the ball on her own? What if the prince relied on things he learned about her at the ball to find her instead of looking for a girl with the right foot size? This is another great book to read with kids!
Fanny’s Dream by Caralyn Buehner. Fanny is a farm girl with a dream that one day her fairy godmother will come and she’ll go to a ball looking beautiful and meet a handsome stranger. When the mayor throws a ball in town, Fanny thinks her chance has come. But when her fairy godmother doesn’t show up, she decides to marry a good friend and they start their life together on a farm. Fanny’s life turns out different than she imagined, but she’s still happy. Another great picture book for kids.
Birthscience 